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2012 ultimate show bike quiz

After my last post I have considered all of your comments and have decided that in all likelyhood I will indeed participate in the 2012 NAHMBS. Of course, that is if they let me. I don't believe I have run afoul of the promoter in chief but you never know. I have not done anything to derail the show, only to point out some of the silliness contained in the show.....it isn't all stupid by a long shot.
Since I am presumably throwing my hat into the ring of builders vying for one or more those gleaming trophies and a chance to stand up on stage in front of a jury of my peers , I must formulate a plan to show up with the ultimate entry to the competition. I am again asking for your assistance in this project and I have provided another quiz-style outline to narrow the focus of the show bike project and come up with something incredible-something that a person might sell one of his testicles for, unless of course that person was Lance Armstrong. Maybe Lance could sell the prosthetic one after all, it was on those seven winning tour rides right next to the real one. All jokes aside , this bike must be humorous....so funny in fact that folks will be laughing so hard as to choke on someone else's vomit. It is with this bike that I hope to conquer the framebuilding world and lampoon it simultaneously.

First off I have to come up with a target buyer:
A. This is a bike for anybody
B. This is a bike for not just anybody
C. This is an exclusive luxury bike for a special person
D. This is a bike for the person who the very special person idolizes
E. This bike is too exclusive for any humanoid

Second, I have to come up with a sentence that makes this bike so incredibly irressistable to the most discriminating show attendee.
A. You'll max out your credit card to buy this bike
B. You'll take out a second mortgage to buy this bike
C. You would sell your kidney to buy this bike
D. You would sell both kidneys to buy this bike

I'll also have to figure out how to 'brand' the bike properly. A really effective logo must 'pop' and be distinctive, original and look very expensive .
A. The logo should be done in gold leaf
B. The logo must be acid etched into the tubing
C. The logo must be made of stainless steel and be paintakingly soldered onto the thin, unbutted portion of the frame
D. The logo must be fully cut out of the tubing leaving vacant space
E. The logo must be done as above but with a neon filament powered by a hub generator with a battery backup for when the bike is stationary.
F. The logo must be on a small RC blimp that orbits in the vicinity of the show bike about head level.

Assuming that this is a show bike and very ornate, it must be constructed of steel.....but which steel ?
A. Good quality modern steel
B. The very best quality modern steel
C. The best quality NOS steel
D. Cryogenically stored NOS steel formerly owned by a succession of deceased framebuilders of note who never got around to using it.

Now that I have the material I need to pick the ultimate way to assemble it:
A. Brazed with a Smith oxy-acetylene torch
B. Brazed with Mapp gas
C. Brazed with oxy-propane
D. Brazed with methane pumped from the anus of a free range cow
E. Hearth brazed using the rendered fat from free range chickens for fuel.

In order to be considered for a trophy I must have some of the current favorite frame features:
A. Seat mast with 2 cm of adjustment
B. Seat mast with 1 cm of adjustment
C. Seat rails welded directly to the seat mast-no adjustment
D. Shorts stitched to the seat that is welded directly to the seat mast-for seated riding only

Custom dropouts are a good way to set your frame apart from the herd
A. Water-jet cut stainless dropouts with your logo
B. Laser-cut stainless dropouts with your logo
C. Hacksaw-cut wooden dropouts with your logo
D. Machete-cut bamboo dropouts with your logo and someone else's vomit

Soo.......the bike is built. There has to be some sort of 'Exclusivity' implied in the availability of this special bike. Waiting lists ( both factual and ficticious ) are a way for people to see how in demand this special bike is......supposedly.
A. 3 month waiting list
B. 6 month waiting list
C. One year waiting list
D. Five year waiting list
E. Waiting list is closed until further notice
F. There never was a list.....at least not one that you or anyone like you could get on.

I appreciate all input. After all, this show is serious business. Cheers.

An appeal to my readership

Well, it isn't 2012 yet but the word is out -the big Handbuilt bicycle show will be coming back to the west coast, to Sacramento in particular. You have read my views on the whole concept of bike shows, bikes as rolling art, bikes as something to obsess about..........all of the things that make a bike show what it is. You all know by now that I do support the gathering of frame builders and am in fact quite enthusiastic about it , even if some if the stuff at bike shows can make me gag violently. The fact that shows like this even exist is a real luxury for old geezers like me who started building frames when just finding a couple of tubes was an adventure.
I have given my opinions to all of you freely , practically projectile vomiting them on you in vegetal streams of unconsciousness at times-this was for our mutual amusement, of course. I have called out all sorts of dastardly and unsavory practices in my trade and am not sorry to have done so. My feet will be held to the fire for all of my numerous failings and I accept the punishment , however painful it may be. My bretheren must be able to endure the fire if they decide that they don't need to do the right thing by the folks that pay them . Now, at this time I am asking you- the readers of this blog for your opinion , or vote. Should I display at the upcoming 2012 NAHMBS ?
O.k., so why am I asking all of you ? Obviously , I'm not able to make this decision without checking in with the folks that have bothered to read all of my rants. What I'm going to do is to put together a multiple-choice quiz like I have in some earlier posts. Yes, I know I stole the idea from the NYC bike snob but it is a good idea and I doubt that he would mind at all.


Reasons to have a booth at the show :
I should be at the 2012 show because:
A. I would maybe sell some frames
B. I would maybe sell some socks
C. I would maybe sell a display bike
D. I would maybe totally sell out.

The show interests me because:
A. There are a lot of cool bikes there
B. There are a lot of cool people there
C. There are a lot of uncool bikes there
D. There are a lot of creepy uncool people there , hell-I might be there !

Being at the show is in my best interest because:
A. It is the best way for me to see what everyone else is doing
B. It is the best way to see what everyone else isn't doing
C. It is the best way to avoid doing something
D. I can't help it, I'm a sucker for bikes
E. My one dimensional life is centered here

Seeing folks at the show will be great because:
A. We get to share ideas about the trade
B. We get to share jokes about the trade
C. We get to be jokes of the trade
D. I get to walk the show and try to find out if anyone has become paranoid because of this blog

The chance of getting an award at the show would be :
A. Truly overwhelming, even for a cynic like me
B. Very puzzling , especially for a cynic like me
C. Extremely hilarious for a cynic like me
D. A chance for me to do an impression of Jimi Hendrix at Monterey pop with the trophy

Having three full days to talk and breathe bikes would be:
A. Gosh, such a dream....
B. Shit, that's what I do five days a week
C. A recipie for a migraine
D. I guess it depends on who was in the booth with me...

What I hope to gain from the show....if i go is :
A. A better understanding of the trends of today
B. A better misunderstanding of the trends of today
C. A better understanding of how much is misunderstood about the trends of today
D. All of the above

If I build a 'special bike' for the show it should be :
A. Entirely crafted from stainless steel
B. It should be entirely crafted from bamboo
C. It should be wrapped in unborn pony hide
D. It should have no eyes.........
E. It should have no ears..........
F. fill in the rest yourself if you remember the joke...

Upon leaving the show I hope to come away with :
A. Good memories of good times with friends
B. So-so memories of well, kind of lousy times with friends
C. Stuff I would really like to forget but might have a tough time doing so.....
D. Enough gas money to get home


There you go, folks. Be sure and write in and tell me if you think I should go and be part of the scrum that is the handbuilt bike show. I value your input more than you would think. This is a difficult decision for me, even with the show being so close to where I live and knowing that so much material for this blog would be waiting for me. Just the same , I only want to do it if it is the right thing to do. Thanks and good night.

How I got my 29er

Howdy, folks. Are ya ready for a story ? Well, it is story time again with the over opinionated one-not my usual rant about the wonderful world of bike builders and all that they do....err, don't do.....err, say they are going to do.....and in some cases actually do it. I digress....
A couple of months ago I built a bike for a customer who knew exactly what he wanted in the way of a 29er hard tail, right down to every detail. His geometry was not what I would have used but I figured that his riding experience in So-Cal was extensive enough that he had a good idea of what he was asking for. He was very specific about the components as well-again , most of the stuff was not from my typical go-to list of bike hardware.
When the time came, I built the frame and ordered the parts. When the whole bike was together I rode it around the shop complex. As soon as I took the first left hand turn I knew that this bike rode better than my own MTB-better in fact than most of the bikes I had built all year. I was stunned......a customer had come up with the best 29er geometry I had ever ridden ! I even liked the parts selection.....everything integrated perfectly and after just a few minutes of pedaling I wanted this bike ! Of course, I couldn't keep it as it was not mine-frankly, I could not afford to keep it even if I wanted to. What I decided was to keep the drawing handy so that I could make one for myself when I got the time some day. Later that afternoon, with a heavy heart I carefully packed the bike into two boxes as to ship some items separately to help keep the bike frame from getting damaged. I fully insured the bike and sent it about 400 miles south to its new home.
When I got home from work the next day I got an email from the customer. It seemed that the 7005 aluminum frame had gotten dented and it was pretty much my fault. I had not used firm enough padding on the top tube to protect it from the brake lever that had been zip tied to it. MY guess is that the UPS handlers probably didn't go too easy on the large box, either. The customer asked for a new frame. At first I just wanted to repair it or have the painter fix the small dent.....that was until I thought about several things: # This customer paid for a new bike, not a repaired bike, not a touched up bike.......a new $ 4,800 bike-it was my job to provide him with nothing less than that. There was another thing.....that small dent that was a major factor for the customer was not something I would care about if it were my bike, and hey......it was now going to be my bike !!!
When I told the customer that I would build him a new frame as soon as I could he was really impressed. He told me that this was the kind service that made him happy to have chosen me. I think he really would have been happier if I had padded his bike a little better but he was willing to wait for the new one. He offered to send the first one back but I told him to ride it and let me know what he thought. I guess he felt the same way I did......so now both of us would have the same frame-a very odd situation but in the end two people are happy.
I sold my 26" wheel MTB and started saving for the components for the new frame. Here's the thing-I have been building 29ers since 2003 and have not really been too keen on the wheel size . My take on it was that it was a tall person's bike and I just wasn't tall enough. Every time I had made an attempt to build a 29er for myself I either couldn't find the time or just sold the frame before I could build it up. I guess this frame was telling me: " Come on.....don't just build these bikes......get off your ass and ride one so you can know what the hell they are all about !" I had been on the outside of the whole 29er thing for eight years, all the time building them for other folks. Now this was no longer the case-I have my 29er. I'll be sure and let folks know how it rides. Thanks for reading and don't worry.......I'll get pissed about something and write in the usual nasty style when the time is right.

Blasphemy, part II

Probably my most vivid memory of the last 20 years of being a bike builder was the time in the mid '90's when big companies, at least by bike industry standards began buying up smaller 'cult' brands like Salsa, Bontrager , Klein and a few others. I was way too small of a player to be on the radar of these larger brands hoping to cash in on the reputation of the names they were paying for. From what I understand, the big companies would offer to buy the operation of a small brand with the understanding that things would proceed as usual and the original intent, employees and methods of the newly acquired brand .
As it turned out, the big companies found out just how un-profitable the small companies were and wound up gutting the small operations , laying off the workforce and turning the once 'made in the USA' brands into trademarks for imported goods with very little of the original character that was the reason for the 'cult' following in the first place. Salsa frames are now made in Taiwan and Bontrager frames are, well....not made at all any more anywhere. The image I remember the best was being summoned to Bontrager by a former employee to harvest the stuff that was no doubt going to the metal yard or worse, the landfill. I saw boxes and boxes of sub-assemblies and proprietory frame hardware that represented hundereds of man-hours and tons of steel being discarded. I took what would fit in my car and told some other folks about the big pile of metal so that they could maybe do something more constructive with it than putting in into a hole in the ground.
This brings me to the current state of affairs. Now that our 'Golden age' of bike shows, artisan frame builders and online ogle-ment is in full flight , how are we to avoid what happened to the cult builders of the '80's and '90's ? What is there to stop the whole artificially inflated market for bike frames with amazing detail from becoming a bunch of unfinished projects being unloaded on craigslist or worse, the dump? What will happen with all of those water-jet cut proprietory dropouts with ( insert name here ) on them when the brand is dead and the builder is working a new job with an actual living wage ?
Here we have a problem, Houston. We have a disconnect between the guys setting the artistic standards and the other guys who actually build fulltime, offering simpler frames for a more affordable price while making sure that the bills are all still paid. The artisan folks, at least a few of them-certainly not all-have a dismissive attitude toward the working stiff builder. Even if the artisan completely respects his full-time brethren , his fans by and large do not. The same is true on the other side-the full-time guys can get quite sarcastic about certain artisan builders who might cultivate a 'Concours d'elegance' image of thier product , while not having to make a living because money miraculously appears from other un-named sources. But here's the biggest disconnect: The fans of the artisan builders would most likely never buy a frame from a full-timer because it would be a 'boring bike'. This is strictly subjective and I fully understand where they are coming from as consumers, enthusiasts or whatever. What is truly bogus is when they go all high and mighty about how frames should be rolling art and stop at that-they make their stand aesthetically but don't buy the very frames they are championing. Maybe it is the high price, maybe they secretly have some carbon 14 lb. bike at home that they ride on Sundays when nobody is looking. These folks, while lining the aisles of the handbuilt shows snapping hundereds of photos in reality have no intention of supporting the very folks they come to see , full time, artisan or whatever.
I named this blog "Can't we just get along" for the reasons I have stated in most of these posts over the last couple of years. While I remain angry ( As I should if I want to have any good inspiration for writing ) I am also hopeful that things in the next decade or so pan out for builders and enthusiasts alike. The lot of a frame builder has always been a path of self indulgence to a degree and is one of little hope for a real living , but I remain stupidly inexplicably hopeful that we eventually can all get along, have our bikes not only be appreciated but viable as a product made by hand, made here and supported by people that appreciate what we do. To have this happen we must all provide good customer service and champion truth in what we do above all other considerations. This is how we will deserve sustainability and support from the people. -Burma Shave.

Blasphemy

A friend of mine who happens to be (at least in my opinion) one of the top creators of rolling art on the planet said to me that there are two types of frame builders. # 1 is someone who crafts frames to do it. # 2 is someone in the business of frame building. He meant this with no judgement in particular as to which type of builder was superior , it was only a distinction based on making a living versus persuing a craft for art's sake. I , of course am type # 2 as I build frames full-time for a living.
In a perfect world, the two types of builders would get along fine as they basically do the same thing . Unfortunately in a lot of cases there seems to be a bit of a disconnect between the 'Artisans' and the full-timers . The artisan builders tend to look down on the full-timers who do not have the time to create the award-winning show stopping bling-mobiles . Even if the career guys did make the time to build a masterpiece , they would no doubt take a significant pay cut as there is little likelyhood that a customer would pay the equivalent of a living wage for the frame . There are exceptions but they are rare-there exists a handful of builders who have frames that command many times the price of an average welded custom frame. These few guys are kind of like pied pipers to the newest wave of neo-builders on the scene.
The world of custom bikes is being shaped in a large way by the few builders that can command the kind of price that makes building a labor-intensive masterpiece profitable and therefore a sustainable enterprise. As a result of the influence of these exceptional few, there have sprung up a number of things that didn't exist when I started building. The most notable thing is NAHMBS. Now there are many similar shows , mostly smaller and more regional vying for builders and custom bike fans all over the country. The other new item is the supplier who designs ornate lugs and has them manufactured in Taiwan for the new builders who want to build in a more traditional style.
So, with all these new fancy lugs and eager builders and custom bike shows , there is quite literally a glut of really remarkable bicycle art out there. Who is going to go see these bikes at the show and fill their flickr pages with photos of these beautiful efforts ? Everybody. Conversely , who is going to buy up all of these magnificent and painstakingly crafted creations ? -Nobody, at least if they weren't pre-sold before the show. The amount of folks willing to shell out the big bucks to pay a living wage to these new artisans is almost non existant. The folks who are waiting to find these bikes at drastically reduced prices on craigslist are out there , quite willing to buy your magnum opus for about ten cents on the dollar.
Am I attacking the artisan approach to frame building ? No, I am simply pointing out that it is not self-sustaining. I liken the new breed of builders to the artisans who created works of art for royalty and the church. They were slaves.............are the new wave of builders indentured servants ? Maybe not, but they are likely to sacrifice themselves in the pursuit of trying to get noticed at one or more of the many shows -either that or they'll have to have a lot of monetary support from a spouse , trust fund or family-the support that should really come from the folks that ogle the works of art they produce. Yes, I'll say it......in order for the artisan part of our craft to survive the public must actually pay for the work. From what I saw at the last bike show I attended this is not the case-I saw the same bikes on display as last year , in other words the builder didn't sell his or her entry and cannot afford to build a new one for the next show.
The upshot of all this can be summed up with a few recent happenings: The lug supplier who thought that this would be the time to provide great stuff for the artisan builder is selling his busuiness. Since the customers are not supporting the builders, the supplier has few people to sell to. The next unfortunate developement is that several talented builders have decided to quit and it is likely that more are to follow. While this is happening , more and more shows are cropping up to showcase this seemingly doomed craft. At one point or another this whole thing will implode unless there are actual customers to support it. I for one wish to survive and I can only do that by building what is ordered, not build what people want to photograph and award trophies to. I'm almost wondering if going to these shows is such a financial burden on new builders that it is contributing to their demise rather than giving them a viable place to sell their goods.
I really wish I had some answers, some way to make it all o.k. and that the art portion of frame building could flourish . Time and the public will decide if the new ambition displayed by the latest wave of artisan builders will be rewarded with viability or go the way of everything else unsustainable.

Never say ever....

What if someone created a bike show and didn't charge the exhibitors ? That's what these pictures show. New jersey transplant Anthony Mangieri , once a pizza superstar in Mahattan has recently put down roots in San Fransisco. As it turns out, it isn't all about pizza with Anthony......it is about bikes and riding as well. I was lucky enough to be participant in this party last Sunday put on by Anthony and Sean Walling of Soulcraft. Was it competition for the other hand-built shows ? No. Was it a society of like minded builders gathering to raise the bar of the craft ? no. It was pizza , bikes and people having a good time.
This brings me to the subject : What do we do this for ? Why are we involved in building bike frames, a pretty unlikely way to make a buck ? Is it for the presitge ? Is it to elevate ourselves in the social strata ? Hmmm.............shit, no. After this particular party my conclusion is that it is what we do and it is what brings us together as a community. No trophies, no societies , no presitge-just a good time and a way to work at something we like.
One of the things I don't really connect with is the idea of a 'guild' of frame builders. Sure, it is great to have standards and group buying of materials and meaningful exchange of info is a great thing , but there seems to be very little of that coming from the places that it should come from.....the internet chat forums. All I see are petty pissing matches for the most part and occasionally a real gem of info from someone-and it usually gets ignored or dismissed by some predatory internet moron on a campaign of wrongness. I find it really amusing when folks go out of their way to prove a point and they show in the process that they are totally full of shit.
Here is my point, for those who need a reference: I feel that there is no need to separate ourselves as frame builders into 'sub-groups' or guilds, or whatever. I like to feel that we are all in the same game at one level or another. We may disagree about certain fine points but at our core, we all build bike frames because we love it. It is for this reason that I have not entered into any of these sub-groups ,whether I was invited or not. Sure, you might say that this last party was all about Nor-Cal. frame builders. Of course it was-we all live here ! It isn't a sub-group , it is a geographic factor that brings us together. The same thing could be said about Portland or New England. It isn't that we think we are special.....it's that we know each other, live within a couple of hours drive from each other and that pretty much covers it. Oh yeah, we like pizza and having a good time with friends.
So.....I'm a Nor-Cal frame builder-so what ? Really, first and foremost I am a frame builder - one of many all over the world and I might have my feelings one way or another about my bretheren , but I do feel that there is no need to divide into 'cliques'. We are much stronger as a community at large and the sooner we all realize that the sooner we will be able to benefit from each others experience and wisdom.