If I were writing a book on frame building......

So.....what qualifications do I have to instruct anyone in the craft of bicycle frame building ? -Look it up. I have been an instructor on occasion, although not that often , but often enough to maybe think that I have something to offer the poor folks who want to try out what I do- if not for a living than maybe for an experience of sorts. This experience can lead to fulfillment but it can also lead to some pretty serious disappointment. This feeling of disappointment can manifest itself in several ways- it can re-enforce the self loathing that effects myself and many of my brethren of the torch. It can serve to whittle down the self love that some of my other brethren cultivate. Either way, it is a real slap in the face when things don't go your way in the shop. The thing that separates the career guys from the dabblers is how they deal with problems in the shop. I feel that little has been written about this subject in frame building so if per chance I use some of my later years to write a volume on bicycle frame building I have a title for the chapter:

Getting even with inanimate objects. 

Yes- this is real truth as I see it. One might think : " Why risk destroying a valuable tool or portion of a semi-completed frame when one can just take a few deep breaths and carry on ? " I'll tell you why. These materials and tools are things that you bought. You are the boss in your shop and these tools need to know that. There's no reason you can't give a good swift kick to that bike stand that hit you in the head when you were least expecting it. You don't have to take that crap - if you don't dispense with a little discipline you might have the same thing happen again. Is that shop vac getting in the way ? Carry it to a far corner of the shop and give it a good toss- maybe it won't care but that's not important. What is important is that you are showing these tools who is the real boss......you picked out these tools, you spent the money, you gave them shelter......the least they can do is to stay the fuck out of the way and not make your day even more miserable than normal.

There are some that might say : "By beating on these tools you are only hurting yourself ." I call bullshit on that - anyway, maybe I do want to hurt myself a little- but I really want to hurt that sonofabitch bench vise, too. Why the hell don't you hold the work tightly like I want you too ? You think I didn't tighten you enough ? Is that all you have to say ? Well , take this ball peen hammer blow and think about it again , you useless hunk of iron . Besides, a well disciplined shop takes on a nice patina......or maybe better to call it a 'distressed' look. A visitor can venture into the shop and immediately be impressed with a well disciplined shop floor where the concrete has had some nice chips taken out - not that the story of the chips need be told - that story is not really relevant anyway . Just a look at that floor will be a silent story of whatever took place that will not be discussed. 

So maybe you think that one has to be insane to think that showing an inanimate object who's the boss is a good thing to do. I urge you to talk to just about anyone in any craft- not just bicycle frame building - and let them tell you what actions they had to take against an uncaring array of fine toolery. It does not seem to matter how much money you forked over for that magnificent hacksaw- that piece of shit will happily cut the crap out of you any old day and send you to the emergency room. I feel that it is fitting that you might have the urge to send that saw across the shop with the one good hand you have left- just make sure that you don't throw it at an innocent rubber mallet that meant you no harm, even backed you up the last time you really needed to beat on something but didn't necessarily want to leave marks. While I don't discourage getting even with the occasional inanimate object in the shop it is important to remember that there are tools that will be needed to complete the task at hand- so......don't go destroying everything in the shop- save your rage only for the worst offenders. You know who they are ............